i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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