69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
