if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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