left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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