There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
