So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
