My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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