he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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