she smelled like a LAN party
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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