when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
