In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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