Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
