Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
