We won't sleep together?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
