saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
