I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
