Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
