i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
