sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We are all done wearing pants today
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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