What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
