Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
