I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
