How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
