Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
