Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
