a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
