How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
