i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
