You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
