Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
