I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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