yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
