If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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