Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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