Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
