I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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