y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
