It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
