My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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