she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Your penis caused this!
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