You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
