Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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