and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
