I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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