I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And then my night got REAL pukey
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
