i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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