i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
