I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
