just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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