i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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